Quit the Emotional Giveaway

Eager Beaver

One time, a couple of guys and I went out to get something to eat at a restaurant. As soon as we had been shown to our seat, my friend had this stunned look on his face. When we got our appetizer, he then let the group know that the girl at the door wanted him. Eagerly we all looked to see who he was talking about and thought that it was some girl that came in after us and sat in the front. We thought maybe this was some girl we all worked with, and some time had past were several instances occurred for him to make this conclusion. Our friend redirected us to the hostess that sat us at our table. When we looked at her, we quickly looked back at him, confused. “How do you know?” one guy asked. Our friend rebutted. “She just gave me that look.” I stepped up and said, “What look!… the same look she gave us all because she was just doing her job?”. So to prove our disbelief, he got up and asked the girl for her number. When he came back to the table, his countenance fell. “What happened!?” we all leaned in for the answer. Now embarrassed, he replied, “Sh-she told me she had a boyfriend.” Then the whole table erupted in laughter!

The Place of Vulnerability

Now, this may be a moment where we all could laugh at this guy for his assumption. However, how do we act when we gain some attention that we have not had in a while? We all have been in a place of vulnerability to the point of missing the mark (or stupidity). We fall in love with a narrative that things will be perfect if this or that would just happen to us. Then when that right person begins to scratch that itch of companionship, we fall apart, hoping that that person is equipped to put us back together again.

The attention that we seek is what we have been trained by society to want. “Love at first sight” leading to “Instant synergy” then to a “Kiss on the first date,” then end up with “Sex on the first night,” then we fast forward to “Happily ever after.” This is what our most popular and some iconic movies promote, music wants us to get there faster, and our friends don’t want us to be left out (FOMO).

I have been guilty of giving my whole life story on a first date without leaving room for mystery. I have been guilty of prematurely asking a lady to be my girlfriend, knowing that we both were not ready but eager to change our status. I even have been guilty of asking one’s hand in marriage, and she said yes with a question mark at the end of her answer.

The Consequence

I have realized over time that codependency is nothing but a relational time bomb. Giving my heart away too freely ended our relationship with me being emotionally crushed and closed me up from trusting others. I have learned from a mentor, a formula that can save a lot of heartache from the beginning.

“too much + too soon + too freely = disaster”

I have learned to slow down and allow a more organic approach to releasing certain information at the appropriate time. I have realized that my information is classified, and only the invested are allowed access! When we buy a product, nobody appreciates a rushed job, so why are we quick to dive into someone’s life? It’s time to quit the emotional giveaway!

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 TRANSITIONS: Balanced on Shaky Ground. A story that will help you in hard times!